Four years ago.....

So, I've had this cough. And it's not the kind of cough that people would mind being around. It's the kind of cough that people look at you for a brief moment and then scatter because they are sure you have some sort of plague.

Since I have this cough, it goes without saying I wasn't able to sing on Sunday. I started praying so hard last Friday that God would heal me because I HAD to sing Sunday. I know I've said this before, but God surely must laugh at me often. He knew exactly what He was doing.

On a regular basis I feel discouraged or like I'm just not doing well enough. Sometimes I feel overwhelmed by the amount of opinions I receive about song selection or the job I'm doing. I am often so uncertain of my abilities and whether everyone was happy with the job I was doing. Notice all those Is?

Can I tell you all of that faded away Sunday morning as I was sitting in the congregation. (No, God didn't see fit to heal me before Sunday.)

As I sat there my mind flashed back to four years ago. It was the last Sunday I would be spending in my former church. I started Zion Hill the first Sunday in October, 2005. I remembered how unhappy I had been and how close I had come to just walking away and giving up all together. I remembered how happy I felt at Zion Hill and how God used that church and the people in it to show me that He was still working in my life. In either late December or early January I started singing in the choir. I had never sang in an adult choir before. This was a first for me. I had always traveled and sang with my mother and wasn't necessarily accustomed to being a part of a group.

Can I tell you something I realized almost immediately? I loved it. I loved being a part of the group. I still love being a part of that group.

Someone told me recently that they didn't realize I was a music director because when I referenced our choir, they just assumed I was a choir member because of the way I spoke of them. I replied "I am a choir member. I will always be a choir member."

The truth is, I don't set myself at an elevation and don't want anyone else to do so either. I love our choir. We're a family. Sure, I have a little more responsibility than they do, but that's ok.

So back to Sunday. It suddenly dawned on me while I was sitting in the congregation listening just why God didn't choose to heal my voice in time for worship. He needed to remind me of my love of our choir and for what I do. He needed to show me that it's definitely not about me....ever....and the worship can continue without me.

There's a song our choir is going to sing for Christmas called "It's all About Your Glory." That's exactly what it's about. It's not about me, or my emotions or any single person in that choir. It's truly about Him. My job is to follow His guidance and allow Him to use me to guide our choir and lead our church in the act of worshipping Him.

I'm so grateful that I'm not where I was four years ago.....physically or spiritually. I'm so glad God allowed me to find the wonderful church home I am a part of now. I'm also so glad He has allowed me to be used in ways that I would have never though possible in my wildest dreams. Isn't God cool like that?

Thank you Lord for my calling. Forgive me for my unthankfulness. Thank you for reminding me how blessed I am.

FYI: I did finally go to the doctor yesterday. I have whooping cough. Three shots, two free samples and four prescriptions later I will either be cured.....or dead.

He never ceases to amaze me.....

I've sobbed for the last week over circumstances beyond my control.

Things changed this morning.

Once again, as He always does, God has shown up and sent encouragement into my life in three different ways this morning.

I mentioned in this post that some friends put together an awesome gift basket for me before my surgery. In that basket was a book of daily devotions. This was today's:

Break Strongholds

For the weapons of our warfare are not physical [weapons of flesh and blood], but they are mighty before God for the overthrow and destruction of strongholds,...and we lead every though and purpose away captive into the obedience of Christ (the Messiah, the Anointed One.) 2 Corinthians 10:4-5

The Bible teaches that Satan tries to build strongholds in our lives. One way to identify the strongholds in your life is to watch for repetitive situations that pull you down in spirit. We all know inside when something is not right in our life or is getting out of control. If that happens to you, seek God early to find out what is going on. If a negative behavior becomes repetitive, that is a signal that Satan is building himself a stronghold in your life. God will destroy the devil's stronghold within you, if you draw near to Him.

The second thing that I was blessed by was this. I really appreciate people like Kelly who have struggled and after God has answered their prayer, don't forget what it was like to walk that path. Although she is now married and has been blessed with a beautiful little daughter, Harper, she hasn't forgotten the long, painful road that finally led to the blessings she is now enjoying. Take a moment to follow the link from Kelly's blog. You will be blessed...I promise. Don't look at it and think it doesn't apply to you because it is about having children. We are all hoping for something in our lives and this message is so encouraging. (You may want to listen when you aren't going to be expected to answer a phone or anything.....People walked by my desk and saw me boohooing and we won't even talk about what the people I spoke with on the phone were probably thinking!)

Each morning I have certain blogs that I read without fail. There are others that I don't always get around to reading. I realized this morning that it had been a while since I had read MaryBeth Chapman's blog and caught up. I knew exactly why when I read this post from August 22. God always knows when to lead you to something. The quote at the end by James Hudson Taylor sent me into more sobbing fits:

"May this be your experience; may you feel that the Hand which inflicts the wound supplies the balm, and that He who has emptied your heart has filled the void with Himself."

This morning I am trusting God for the strongholds Satan has on my mind to be broken, for my hope to be continually renewed and for His presence to be felt with me at all times.....even when things are bad. He will fill my voids with Himself....what a promise!

Blessings to all!

Who is this woman and why is she telling us all her business?

Most people formally introduce themselves in their first post or two.

Me? No.

Because I like to walk on the wild side.

Yep, that's me.

Actually, I'll be totally honest with you. I just totally forgot. I originally began keeping a blog on my myspace page and then transferred it here, and well, here we are.

I am totally going to rip off MckMama's introduction method, but I thought it was neat and it's early and I don't have an original thought in my head at this moment. Sorry.


In July 1984 my parents welcomed their second child into the world. A little girl they decided to name Sunni. I am their only daughter and the last child they had.


At 6 months old I begin attending the church my parents met in and were married in. My parents do not attend with my brother and me.


1986: We move a couple of miles away to a home my father totally remodeled himself. We still live there. Around this time my mother starts working and I stay with my aunt and cousin. He is an only child and I am happy to have someone to play with since my brother is in school. It is during this time I develop a habit that I still possess today. I would announce my trips to the bathroom and create a frenzy within Nick to run and sit on their only toilet. We still laugh about this at family gatherings.


During the fall of 1989 I start Kindergarten. I like my teacher and announce on the first day that I have a boyfriend. I am asked to play the part of "mommy kissing Santa Claus" in the Christmas play at school. I refuse the part because I don't want to kiss the boy playing Santa. I am an angel in the church Christmas program.


Fall of 1991: My parents are concerned that I'm in second grade and haven't lost my two front teeth yet. At the first sign of a slight wiggle, they pull them. It takes two years for them to grow back. They are huge and I hate my teeth.

Winter of 1993: I get a perm. My hair will never be straight again.


I start 5th grade in the fall of 1994. I begin to fill out and put on some weight.....a drastic change from my former tiny, petite body I've always had until that point. I will experience boys teasing me for the first time about my weight.

December 24, 1994: My great-grandmother is buried. I become aware of how money affects people for the first time and become appalled by my family who goes to her house right after the burial for the reading of the will. For the next few years at family gatherings my family will sit around and discuss oil checks and inheritances. I am disgusted.

June 1995: I get glasses and dread being picked on when I start the 6th grade.

July 1995: My pastor introduces us to the plan of salvation during a Sunday School lesson. I think about his words all week and finally surrender during the invitation at church the following week. I am the first person in my immediate family, and most of my extended family, to accept Christ.

August 1995: I am baptized on Children's Day in a river with four other people.

I start 6th grade and become obsessed, along with my best friend, with reading Goosebumps books. The constant teasing from boys in my class about my weight starts to affect me. I begin to think very negative thoughts about myself but refuse to go to anyone for help because I'm embarrassed.

1996: I sing special music in my church for the first time along with two other ladies. The song was "Blessed Assurance."

1997: My grandparents both accept Christ and they, along with my mother, start going to church with me. I start the 8th grade and during this year discover I LOVE wearing different and weird things. I go to school with orange and green hair. I become obsessed with Hanson.

One of the older guys in my youth group gets married and there is finally a younger female at our church. Brooke becomes such a major influence in my life. I am devastated when she is in a wreck and breaks her jaw and leg.

Princess Diana dies and I record the funeral for Brooke.

Christmas 1997: I play Mary in the Christmas program at church. I will remain Mary for the next 4 years due to a lack of young girls in our church.

January 1998: I begin teaching a Sunday School Class at my church. I am pressured by my church to change my choice of attire. I oblige and being wearing only skirts and dresses. The teasing from classmates has decreased. I land the lead in Hansel and Gretel along with Mac. I learn my lines very quickly and become annoyed with "Hansel" for not learning his. This is when I became aware of my controlling nature and extreme OCD.

May 1998: We are invited to a singing. I fell in love with the group and it's members. I quickly became friends with them and they become great encouragement in my life. They also introduce me to the world of Southern Gospel and I begin to pursue singing that music.

August 1998: I start high school. Everyone in my class has changed and everyone gets along. No one teases me anymore. We are all friends. I begin piano lessons.

Early 1999: I begin going to other churches to sing. I finally realize the call God has placed on my life and passionately pursue it. My brother graduates from high school. I am excited because I hope he moves out soon. I need the closet space.

Summer 1999: My mother accepts Christ and we soon begin singing together after that. We become known as "The Moyes." I go to Tennessee for my birthday that year and become friends with other singing groups. I meet someone who would become one of my best friends.

December 1999: I go to LaGrange for a week and my grandmother freaks out because I won't be home when the new millennium arrives. She is concerned a catastrophe will occur and I just want a break from my family and to stay with my friend.

I call home before the week is over for my mom to pick me up. She is sick with a virus and has burned her hand. My grandfather picks me up and I vow to never stay away from home over a week again.

2000: I am in the 10th grade. I switch piano teachers and love the new one. I begin learning at an astonishing rate. I take driver's education. I am one of only a few students with only a permit because I am still 15. I am allowed to go on the annual Christmas shopping trip with my mom for the first time on the day after Thanksgiving.

Early 2001: I am in 11th grade. I have my license and my parents buy me a Honda Accord. I am on the yearbook staff. I begin taking college classes. I become a teacher's aide at the elementary school. I realize during this time I enjoy office work. My grandparents buy me a sound system to use while I travel.

Summer 2001: One of my favorite uncles dies. During this time I become very close to an older cousin and I visit her church with her often. There I am introduced to praise and worship music and fall in love. She also introduces me to their piano player. We go on a couple of dates and part ways.

August 2001: My Senior year in high school begins. Two weeks later I receive a phone call in the middle of the night. My other favorite uncle died. I am racked with guilt wondering if I did enough to witness to him. I am burdened over his soul because I am unsure whether he knew Christ or not.

I begin playing piano at another church. I still teach Sunday School and leave in time to make it to the other church's morning service. I attend this church on Wednesday night for choir practice as well. I am introduced to a doctrine different to that I have always known. It sparks a lot of curiosity and I begin questioning much of what I've been taught.

December 2001: My friends and I have one last Christmas party together. I meet a friend from West Virginia for the first time in person.

January 2002: I am in the last half of my Senior year. I am still on the yearbook staff and our sponsor begins sneaking pizzas in the window to us. I resign as piano player at my "second church" and attend my home church exclusively.

February 2002: My home church splits and my family and I leave to attend a new church started by our former assistant pastor. I am devastated and confused. My brother proposes to his girlfriend.

April 2002: I am excited about graduation. We plan a party. I am looking forward to an event being about me and for once being in the spotlight instead of my brother.

My brother and his fiance announce they are getting married in a couple of weeks.

May 2002: My brother gets married. Two weeks later I graduate. My friend from West Virginia is able to come down. Even the people from the church I played piano for attended my graduation party. Their presence reminds me of the questions attending that church brought to my mind. I begin studying my Bible more than ever seeking answers to my questions.

June 2002: I start my first job in an office. I like working and decide to put college off for a while. I'm still putting it off. I buy my first cell phone.

I buy my first pair of pants in over 5 years in the fall of 2002. They were khaki. I feel like a rebel and like not being told what to wear anymore.

January 2003: I become an aunt. I am in the delivery room as we welcome Madyson into the world. I am over the moon and fall in love with her instantly.

October 2003: Due to undesirable circumstances, I change jobs. I am now working at a cotton gin as a secretary. I am like an alien in this environment. People here find me amusing. I become friends with the coolest person I've ever met. I will never again work with anyone I like as much as Renee. My job is temporary and my boss has another job set up for me at a bank starting after ginning season.

December 2003: We celebrate Madyson's first Christmas.

January 2004: Madyson turns one. My sister-in-law announces she is pregnant again. I find out Renee is having surgery and I will be staying on at the cotton gin for a while longer.

March 2004: I find out I can stay full time at the cotton gin and I am thrilled. While working here, I shock myself by developing a crush on a farmer. He eventually asks a friend if she thinks I would go out with him. I chicken out and tell her to tell him no. I later regret it.

October 2004: Luke is born. I stay home to keep Madyson. I drive her to the hospital just in time for his birth and to meet her new little brother. She likes him until we bring him home. He is referred to as "it" and "that baby" for the first 3 months of his life.

November 2004: I vote for the first time during a Presidential Election. I vote for George W. Bush.

June 2005: We take Madyson to Disney World for the first time. She is afraid of all the characters, including Mickey. Renee and I closely followed the Michael Jackson trial and while in Orlando I receive a text message with the verdict...not guilty. She calls me to make sure I've heard the verdict. We are happy. I have concluded I do not agree with the doctrine I have been taught according to my study throughout the Bible.

July 2005: I turn 21. I spend my 21st birthday at a singing with The Hoskins Family. I receive my first ipod from my mother. I am so tired of church and church people I want to give up and quit. However, I am not tired of God. I officially begin a search for a new church.

September 2005: While having my nails done, my hair dresser invites me to visit her church.

October 2005: I visit Zion Hill Baptist Church for the first time. My family does not like that I am searching for a new church. Luke turns 1.

November 2005: My family stages the first of many interventions thinking I have set myself on a path leading straight to hell. They scream. I scream. We all disagree. They stop talking to me. They will not speak to me again for 10 months except to scream or tell me I'm wrong.

February 2006: I become a member of Zion Hill Baptist Church. I experience the first peace and happiness in church I have known in years. My mother and I finally complete the last of our bookings singing together as "The Moyes."

May 2006: I leave my job at the cotton gin to go back to school for cosmetology.

July 2006: I celebrate my 22nd birthday without my family. The only cake I have that year is a chocolate cake bought by my pastor.

September 2006: I become Assistant Music Director. My family is speaking to me again, but things aren't the same. I feel like our relationships will forever be changed. However, I find myself closer to God than ever.

October 2006: I realize I miss working in an office. I look for a new job. I begin working for an attorney. This is during the real estate boom and I feel as though I'm going to have a nervous breakdown.

December 2006: I sing in my first Christmas Cantata.

January 2007: We find out that my sister-in-law is going to have another baby.

Sometime in the spring, we find out that the third baby is a boy and Madyson cries. She does not want another brother.

Benjamin is born in August 2007. Once again, I take off from work and bring the two big kids to meet the new little brother. We are surprised to learn that Luke actually likes him. I start a new job as a receptionist.

I become Music Director in September 2007. I am excited and scared to death.

Spring of 2008: Health problems that I have experienced for a very long time begin to worsen. I begin to battle depression. I fight to present myself as happy and like I have it together.

August 2008: Madyson starts Kindergarten. I write my first post on my blog I started on myspace.

Fall of 2008: I join an online dating service determined to find someone to date in an attempt to please my mother by finally dating. My depression worsens. I also feel like dating will take my mind off my problems.

October 2008: I meet someone and we begin talking to each other regularly. We finally meet in November. One week later I meet his parents.

December 2008: We have an outdoor live nativity Christmas program. We nearly freeze to death. I feel guilty that my new relationship may have taken some attention off the choir and the program and that I may have let them down. I make an appointment to see a doctor.

February 2009: I see a doctor and begin a long journey of medication changes and doctor visits. My depression is finally controlled and for that I am thankful. I move my blog from myspace to this address permanently.

May 2009: My relationship comes to an end. I decide to not consider what others think of my social life. My attitude was and remains again, it'll happen when it happens if it happens. I'm ok with that.

July 2009: I spend a week in Destin and find out a week later I will be having surgery.

August 2009: I have my surgery. I blog about it. At my checkup I'm told by my doctor that if I want children I need to go ahead and have them within the next couple of years. My treatment options are not optimal. I feel uncertain and deeply disappointed. Once again God shows me that His plans are not mine. I learn to praise Him even when things aren't good.

Present: So much has happened in my life. I'm sure there were things that have happened that are more major than the ones I highlighted. There were things I left out and things I was embarrassed to share. There were good times and bad times. There were times I was angry and times I was overjoyed. If I have learned anything in my life, it is that God's love is true and He is ALWAYS faithful. I'm so grateful for His faithfulness in my life. While I don't know what my future holds, I do know that I won't have to face it alone.

Ironically, this is the very first blog post I ever wrote on myspace. I thought it was fitting for the post I introduced myself in. It was originally written August 23, 2008.

On Sunday morning as my pastor was preaching from Luke 18, I looked over and saw Luke 17:32, "Remember Lot's wife." I made myself a note to go back to that verse because something told me that there was something there for me.

We all know the story of Lot's wife. We know how God spared Lot and his family from the destruction in Sodom and Gomorrah. We know how they were instructed not to look back and yet, she did.

The last several years have been such a struggle for me. I've been tempted to look back a whole lot. And you know what? I have several times. If this is an area you struggle in, take it from me. Don't look back. There's nothing good that can come from it. I don't think you'll turn into salt or anything, but I'm sure the results still won't be of any help to you. We read stories in the Bible of people who looked back such as Lot's wife and the children of Israel and we judge them. We look at their previous circumstances and think "Why would they want to go back to that?" The truth is: We're no different. The only difference is that we know their whole story and we don't know all the details of the end of ours.

We're still serving the same God though and He's promised us good. He won't lead us into anything that isn't for our good. Why can't we just trust and not look back. Why do we hold on to those things that weigh us down? Holding on to old things holds you back. Let go of the past! Keep pressing on!

Hardships will come. Tests will happen. I think of Job. I can honestly say I, nor anyone I know, has ever suffered like Job. In the story of Job, I would probably be playing the part of his wife. (You know...just curse God and die) Job reminded her that we cannot have all good and expect to never endure hardships. How easy would it have been for Job to just wallow in all he had been through and to bring it up every chance he could get? And yet he didn't. I read once that consistent faith is the way to defeat Satan. Job didn't look back...he pressed on.

A verse that has been so much of a blessing and yet so convicting to me is Philippians 4:8. "Finally, brothers, whatever is true, whatever is noble, whatever is right, whatever is pure, whatever is lovely, whatever is admirable—if anything is excellent or praiseworthy—think about such things."

I think Job had that verse conquered before it was even penned.

Don't look back to your past of slavery. When you're tired of wandering in the wilderness and weary of the uncertainty of where God is leading, be assured that He will lead to a place better than you can imagine. It's up to us to fully surrender and say we're not dwelling in the slavery of our past but instead we will choose to dwell in His presence. Psalm 16:11 says "Thou wilt shew me the path of life: in thy presence is fulness of joy; at thy right hand there are pleasures for evermore."

I choose to dwell in His presence.