Something happened at our VBS this year that has stayed with me since. By Wednesday of that week, I was exhausted. It takes a toll on you to be at work all day, go to VBS for 3 hours and then have 30 minute drive home. I also need to mention that a night owl I am not. I do not like being up beyond 10:00. I was tired and cranky on Wednesday and I just prayed all the way to work. I knew I was in a bad mood, but I didn't want it to be a problem. For some reason one particular child came to my mind....Holly.
To give you a little background on her, Mandy and I had been her teachers the year before and God graciously allowed us to be there to witness her acceptance of Jesus as her personal Savior. Before she finally surrendered, she shared several things with us that were going on in her life. Every single thing she shared either Mandy or I had been through. We were able to use those painful things of the past to lead someone to Jesus.
This past VBS every night she was not just singing during the worship rally, she was in the aisle. She didn't care what her peers thought, she didn't care what anyone thought. She was just worshipping. She will probably never know what a blessing she was to me during that week. She will probably never know the lesson God taught me through her.
This morning as I was getting ready I looked down at my blue bracelet (remember the visual reminder from my "Believing God" study) and just for some reason began asking for more boldness. Every time I look at this bracelet, I begin to pray. This morning's prayer kind of scared the heck out of me. No one who knows me would use the words "timid" or "shy" to describe me. The truth is though, in certain situations, I am. I don't remember always being like this though.
This Sunday we will have a 5th Sunday Night Singing. I'm nervous. I'm always nervous. I'm nervous every single Sunday when I get up in front of the church to lead music. I wasn't always nervous though. Mom and I have traveled to countless places to sing and every single time I got up there like it was second nature. Like I was riding a bike. Why is it so hard for me now?
I believe over time we lose our childlike innocence. When Mom and I were singing, I was a teenager. I hadn't gone through so many of the things I have now. Life was good. I had nothing to be worried about. I wasn't concerned what other poeple in the church were thinking about me. Over time we become hardened. I've faced a lot. People know some of what has happened. I also know people. I know their thoughts.
It has also been very difficult for me over the last year since I became a Music Minister to deal with some of what has come along with it. I feel like people look at me as old enough to criticize, but too young to take very seriously. Maybe it's just my own insecurities and self doubt that makes me think these things.
I want to be like Holly. I want to be bold. I want to be like I once was. I don't want to worry about who is going to say what. I want to just stand before God in total awe and worship Him for all He is to me.
There is a song that has a line in it that says "I want to get so close to Him that it's no big change on the day that Jesus calls my name." You know that is possible. I want that. God is going to help me with my boldness. I'm not going to continue allowing a fear of what others think to keep me from worshipping God. Fear will no longer cripple me.
Though no one joins me, still I will follow. Though no one joins me, still I will follow. Though no one joins me, still I will follow. No turning back. No turning back.
Friday, August 29, 2008
Tuesday, August 19, 2008
Believing God
***This was originally posted on my Myspace blog on 8/18/08***
I'm just beginning the Bible study "Believing God" by Beth Moore. I'm so excited!
I'm already using the things that I've read in the very beginning and you wouldn't believe the way God has already helped me to transform my thoughts and the way I'm handling things. A challenge is presented to not only believe in God, but to believe God. Yes, this may even cause you to appear to be a little radical to some, but who cares? I loved a particluar part in the book that Beth says so many people have told her she was too radical and demonstrative. She replies to them with this: "Beloved, I was once the most bound-up, defeated believer you've ever met, and now I'm a walking miracle experiencing the power of God. With all due respect, how's life going for you?" I LOVE THAT!!
In the next 9 weeks I plan to see a change in my relationship with God. I plan on my thoughts centering on believing Him and all He is and all He says He'll do. I love the pledge in this book that says:
God is who He says He is.
God can do what He says He can do.
I am who God says I am.
I can do all things through Christ.
God's Word is alive and active in me.
Isn't that exciting?!?
I have my blue bracelet on already for my visual reminder. Why a blue bracelet? Well, just read Numbers 15:37-41 and the blue reminder will be made clear. Everytime I'm tempted to allow my faith to be weakend by the lies of Satan, I will look at my bracelet and remember that God is who He says He is. God can do what He says He can do. I am who God says I am. I can do all things through Christ. God's Word is alive and active in me. I'm believing God!
Beth also encourages those participating in this Bible study to keep a journal of all the "little things" God is evident in that we so often overlook while waiting on something big to happen.
I mentioned that I will be doing this for 9 weeks. I desire your prayers as I have chosen to surrender a couple of really big things in my life to put more of my focus on Him....where it belongs.
I'm just beginning the Bible study "Believing God" by Beth Moore. I'm so excited!
I'm already using the things that I've read in the very beginning and you wouldn't believe the way God has already helped me to transform my thoughts and the way I'm handling things. A challenge is presented to not only believe in God, but to believe God. Yes, this may even cause you to appear to be a little radical to some, but who cares? I loved a particluar part in the book that Beth says so many people have told her she was too radical and demonstrative. She replies to them with this: "Beloved, I was once the most bound-up, defeated believer you've ever met, and now I'm a walking miracle experiencing the power of God. With all due respect, how's life going for you?" I LOVE THAT!!
In the next 9 weeks I plan to see a change in my relationship with God. I plan on my thoughts centering on believing Him and all He is and all He says He'll do. I love the pledge in this book that says:
God is who He says He is.
God can do what He says He can do.
I am who God says I am.
I can do all things through Christ.
God's Word is alive and active in me.
Isn't that exciting?!?
I have my blue bracelet on already for my visual reminder. Why a blue bracelet? Well, just read Numbers 15:37-41 and the blue reminder will be made clear. Everytime I'm tempted to allow my faith to be weakend by the lies of Satan, I will look at my bracelet and remember that God is who He says He is. God can do what He says He can do. I am who God says I am. I can do all things through Christ. God's Word is alive and active in me. I'm believing God!
Beth also encourages those participating in this Bible study to keep a journal of all the "little things" God is evident in that we so often overlook while waiting on something big to happen.
I mentioned that I will be doing this for 9 weeks. I desire your prayers as I have chosen to surrender a couple of really big things in my life to put more of my focus on Him....where it belongs.
Ruin his day!
***This was originally posted on my Myspace blog on 8/15/08***
So many times we're focused on how we can obtain freedom from the negative in our own lives. When we keep the bad bottled up in us instead of deciding to use it for His glory, healing can never happen in our lives.
I experienced a deep, dark depression over several circumstances in my own life a couple years ago. So many things were going on and had happened to me. I can remember being at a point that I felt there was nothing left for me to give to God, my family, friends or my church. My prayer life consisted of prayers like this every single night: "Lord, I have nothing left. Just please don't let me wake up tomorrow. I'm tired of feeling this way. I'm tired of not knowing what to do."
God did perform a healing in my life through a very deep study of His Word. I surrendered to just making Him and my relationship with Him my top priority.
As God has healed me in a way that I really had started to doubt would ever happen, He has shown me that a complete healing does not occur until you turn around and use the very thing that was a stronghold in our lives to lift someone else up. Huh? You mean I have to share what I went through? What will people think? I'm supposed to have it all together. I'm not supposed to be the person with these feelings. I heard Beth Moore teaching once and she used a line that I just loved. "We need to adopt a new philosophy called 'cut the bull'."
Stop trying to be perfect and just be real. Read Isaiah 58 and you'll see that if you help people in need and pour out your life for those in need of what you have to give and then your healing will come. I'm always amazed how God can make things come full circle. God diffuses the negative situations in our life and then uses them to bring glory to Him and to help others in their own healing. That's when we can experience full redemption.
Things aren't complete until we allow God to use these things for His glory. That ruins the devil's day! The very thing he used for our destruction and to tear us down, we can now use for the properity of people to grow in their relationship with Christ.
No matter what kind of ditch we've rolled around in or what kind of pit we've been in, we can be whole again. Stop trying to hide your experience in the ditch and use it to help someone else.
Reach beyond yourself and touch someone in need. Lose yourself in His purpose.
Go on, do it! It'll ruin the devil's day!
So many times we're focused on how we can obtain freedom from the negative in our own lives. When we keep the bad bottled up in us instead of deciding to use it for His glory, healing can never happen in our lives.
I experienced a deep, dark depression over several circumstances in my own life a couple years ago. So many things were going on and had happened to me. I can remember being at a point that I felt there was nothing left for me to give to God, my family, friends or my church. My prayer life consisted of prayers like this every single night: "Lord, I have nothing left. Just please don't let me wake up tomorrow. I'm tired of feeling this way. I'm tired of not knowing what to do."
God did perform a healing in my life through a very deep study of His Word. I surrendered to just making Him and my relationship with Him my top priority.
As God has healed me in a way that I really had started to doubt would ever happen, He has shown me that a complete healing does not occur until you turn around and use the very thing that was a stronghold in our lives to lift someone else up. Huh? You mean I have to share what I went through? What will people think? I'm supposed to have it all together. I'm not supposed to be the person with these feelings. I heard Beth Moore teaching once and she used a line that I just loved. "We need to adopt a new philosophy called 'cut the bull'."
Stop trying to be perfect and just be real. Read Isaiah 58 and you'll see that if you help people in need and pour out your life for those in need of what you have to give and then your healing will come. I'm always amazed how God can make things come full circle. God diffuses the negative situations in our life and then uses them to bring glory to Him and to help others in their own healing. That's when we can experience full redemption.
Things aren't complete until we allow God to use these things for His glory. That ruins the devil's day! The very thing he used for our destruction and to tear us down, we can now use for the properity of people to grow in their relationship with Christ.
No matter what kind of ditch we've rolled around in or what kind of pit we've been in, we can be whole again. Stop trying to hide your experience in the ditch and use it to help someone else.
Reach beyond yourself and touch someone in need. Lose yourself in His purpose.
Go on, do it! It'll ruin the devil's day!
How many more days until summer vacation?
***This was originally posted on my Myspace blog on 8/14/08***
Well, Madyson has officially been in school exactly one week. While I understand that it is the general consensus that kids hate school, I think Madyson has them all beat. School is definitely cramping her style in more ways than one.
First of all, we have a clothing issue. In the past I always kind of laughed at my friend Crissy because her little girl, Halee, gives her grief about clothing. I always said "We don't have clothing issues because what we say to wear is what she wears." Well that was before the days of uniforms. See, I thought I had trained my little princess so well. She has lived a life of smocked dresses, cute gymboree outfits and PINK. Well, see uniforms are green, white or khaki. She, much like her aunt, would rather you pull her toenails out one by one with nothing for pain than wear those tacky things. Every morning we are faced with the agonizing cries of a fashionable 5 year old asking why she must wear that? When we were shopping for school clothes she asked why she couldn't have something pink. Be still my heart. My efforts had prevailed. She likes girly things. Woo hoo! I can't blame her for the fits she throws each morning. I only hope for the sake of her two sleeping brothers she realizes that there is nothing she can do but wear the uniform. I secretly cheer her on though. I hope she never stops liking the wild, bright prints from Gymboree and the cute girly things in which she has grown accustomed. I am taking her shopping tomorrow to reward her for finally behaving well in school, which leads to the next problem.
As I have said before, she is so stubborn. (When I figure out where it came from, I'll let you know.) Her teacher told mom the first day that she definitely had her own way of doing things. Luckily she has the same kindergarten teacher I had and that will not work in that class. She is learning how to deal with her stubborn streak and how to deal with not always getting her way. She's come a long way in just a week. She's growing up. No more tantrums to get her way. (Except for clothes) I'm proud of her efforts. I can't wait to see how she continues to improve. Each day her teacher says she's doing better and better.
The last thing is something I've feared all along. I think she may be bored. She's known her colors, how to count, her shapes, her alphabet and how to spell her name since she was two. She's an over achiever. It's in her blood I think. What else do they even learn in kindergarten?
The year should be interesting if nothing else. At least we don't have to worry about her becoming an inmate when she's older. The thought of dressing in ugly prison garbs alone is enough to make her walk a straight line and do right.
Well, Madyson has officially been in school exactly one week. While I understand that it is the general consensus that kids hate school, I think Madyson has them all beat. School is definitely cramping her style in more ways than one.
First of all, we have a clothing issue. In the past I always kind of laughed at my friend Crissy because her little girl, Halee, gives her grief about clothing. I always said "We don't have clothing issues because what we say to wear is what she wears." Well that was before the days of uniforms. See, I thought I had trained my little princess so well. She has lived a life of smocked dresses, cute gymboree outfits and PINK. Well, see uniforms are green, white or khaki. She, much like her aunt, would rather you pull her toenails out one by one with nothing for pain than wear those tacky things. Every morning we are faced with the agonizing cries of a fashionable 5 year old asking why she must wear that? When we were shopping for school clothes she asked why she couldn't have something pink. Be still my heart. My efforts had prevailed. She likes girly things. Woo hoo! I can't blame her for the fits she throws each morning. I only hope for the sake of her two sleeping brothers she realizes that there is nothing she can do but wear the uniform. I secretly cheer her on though. I hope she never stops liking the wild, bright prints from Gymboree and the cute girly things in which she has grown accustomed. I am taking her shopping tomorrow to reward her for finally behaving well in school, which leads to the next problem.
As I have said before, she is so stubborn. (When I figure out where it came from, I'll let you know.) Her teacher told mom the first day that she definitely had her own way of doing things. Luckily she has the same kindergarten teacher I had and that will not work in that class. She is learning how to deal with her stubborn streak and how to deal with not always getting her way. She's come a long way in just a week. She's growing up. No more tantrums to get her way. (Except for clothes) I'm proud of her efforts. I can't wait to see how she continues to improve. Each day her teacher says she's doing better and better.
The last thing is something I've feared all along. I think she may be bored. She's known her colors, how to count, her shapes, her alphabet and how to spell her name since she was two. She's an over achiever. It's in her blood I think. What else do they even learn in kindergarten?
The year should be interesting if nothing else. At least we don't have to worry about her becoming an inmate when she's older. The thought of dressing in ugly prison garbs alone is enough to make her walk a straight line and do right.
Don't Look Back
***This blog was originally posted on my Myspace blog 8/13/08***
On Sunday morning as my pastor was preaching from Luke 18, I looked over and saw Luke 17:32, "Remember Lot's wife." I made myself a note to go back to that verse because something told me that there was something there for me.
We all know the story of Lot's wife. We know how God spared Lot and his family from the destruction in Sodom and Gomorrah. We know how they were instructed not to look back and yet, she did. The last several years have been such a struggle for me. I've been tempted to look back a whole lot. And you know what? I have several times. If this is an area you struggle in, take it from me. Don't look back. There's nothing good that can come from it. I don't think you'll turn into salt or anything, but I'm sure the results still won't be of any help to you. We read stories in the Bible of people who looked back such as Lot's wife and the children of Israel and we judge them. We look at their previous circumstances and think "Why would they want to go back to that?" The truth is: We're no different. The only difference is that we know their whole story and we don't know all the details of the end of ours. We're still serving the same God though and He's promised us good. He won't lead us into anything that isn't for our good. Why can't we just trust and not look back. Why do we hold on to those things that weigh us down? Holding on to old things holds you back. Let go of the past! Keep pressing on!
Hardships will come. Tests will happen. I think of Job. I can honestly say I, nor anyone I know, has ever suffered like Job. In the story of Job, I would probably be playing the part of his wife. (You know...just curse God and die) Job reminded her that we cannot have all good and expect to never endure hardships. How easy would it have been for Job to just wallow in all he had been through and to bring it up every chance he could get? And yet he didn't. I read once that consistent faith is the way to defeat Satan. Job didn't look back...he pressed on.
A verse that has been so much of a blessing and yet so convicting to me is Philippians 4:8. "Finally, brothers, whatever is true, whatever is noble, whatever is right, whatever is pure, whatever is lovely, whatever is admirable—if anything is excellent or praiseworthy—think about such things." I think Job had that verse conquered before it was even penned.
Don't look back to your past of slavery. When you're tired of wandering in the wilderness and weary of the uncertainty of where God is leading, be assured that He will lead to a place better than you can imagine. It's up to us to fully surrender and say we're not dwelling in the slavery of our past but instead we will choose to dwell in His presence. Psalm 16:11 says "Thou wilt shew me the path of life: in thy presence is fulness of joy; at thy right hand there are pleasures for evermore."
I choose to dwell in His presence.
On Sunday morning as my pastor was preaching from Luke 18, I looked over and saw Luke 17:32, "Remember Lot's wife." I made myself a note to go back to that verse because something told me that there was something there for me.
We all know the story of Lot's wife. We know how God spared Lot and his family from the destruction in Sodom and Gomorrah. We know how they were instructed not to look back and yet, she did. The last several years have been such a struggle for me. I've been tempted to look back a whole lot. And you know what? I have several times. If this is an area you struggle in, take it from me. Don't look back. There's nothing good that can come from it. I don't think you'll turn into salt or anything, but I'm sure the results still won't be of any help to you. We read stories in the Bible of people who looked back such as Lot's wife and the children of Israel and we judge them. We look at their previous circumstances and think "Why would they want to go back to that?" The truth is: We're no different. The only difference is that we know their whole story and we don't know all the details of the end of ours. We're still serving the same God though and He's promised us good. He won't lead us into anything that isn't for our good. Why can't we just trust and not look back. Why do we hold on to those things that weigh us down? Holding on to old things holds you back. Let go of the past! Keep pressing on!
Hardships will come. Tests will happen. I think of Job. I can honestly say I, nor anyone I know, has ever suffered like Job. In the story of Job, I would probably be playing the part of his wife. (You know...just curse God and die) Job reminded her that we cannot have all good and expect to never endure hardships. How easy would it have been for Job to just wallow in all he had been through and to bring it up every chance he could get? And yet he didn't. I read once that consistent faith is the way to defeat Satan. Job didn't look back...he pressed on.
A verse that has been so much of a blessing and yet so convicting to me is Philippians 4:8. "Finally, brothers, whatever is true, whatever is noble, whatever is right, whatever is pure, whatever is lovely, whatever is admirable—if anything is excellent or praiseworthy—think about such things." I think Job had that verse conquered before it was even penned.
Don't look back to your past of slavery. When you're tired of wandering in the wilderness and weary of the uncertainty of where God is leading, be assured that He will lead to a place better than you can imagine. It's up to us to fully surrender and say we're not dwelling in the slavery of our past but instead we will choose to dwell in His presence. Psalm 16:11 says "Thou wilt shew me the path of life: in thy presence is fulness of joy; at thy right hand there are pleasures for evermore."
I choose to dwell in His presence.
Madyson
***This blog was originally posted on my Myspace blog on 8/12/08***
Last Wednesday was Madyson't first day of school. WOW! That doesn't even seem possible. Wasn't she born yesterday? Wasn't it just a couple months ago I couldn't hardly wait to be an aunt and see her for the first time. I was so excited to have a niece. I couldn't help but think that I'd have a baby doll to play with and dress up. Boy, she proved me wrong. She hated to be changed, touched or just bothered in any way. If she wanted someone to do something, she'd let them know. Otherwise, just leave her alone.
I don't know anyone like that.
She has been one surprise after another along the way. There have been times I could just pinch her little head off, but I think my mom may have been on to something when she pointed out that the very things I am most annoyed with in Madyson are the very same qualities that make her so much like me. I hate being hit with realities like that. She is stubborn and the biggest know-it-all you've ever seen and guess what? So am I.
Lord, help me to realize what a stumbling block these traits are and help me to overcome them in Your name to be an example to my precious niece.
As I watched her step on the bus step for the first time, my heart sank. Was she ready? Had we taught her everything she needed to know? Would she make friends? Would the other kids like her? Would she be scared? Would she feel abandoned after a lifetime of being sheltered only to be dropped off with complete strangers? Would she be able to open her juice without help? I know I'm not her mother, but I feel like it sometimes. She and her brothers are probably the only children I'll ever have and I've invested a lot in them emotionally. As I took my shower that morning I realized that it was truly something I had to completely surrender to God and trust that we had all done what was right in the way we had influenced her.
Lord, protect my precious niece. Help her make good choices and be obedient. Help her to share Your love with others as she's been taught to do.
Last Wednesday was Madyson't first day of school. WOW! That doesn't even seem possible. Wasn't she born yesterday? Wasn't it just a couple months ago I couldn't hardly wait to be an aunt and see her for the first time. I was so excited to have a niece. I couldn't help but think that I'd have a baby doll to play with and dress up. Boy, she proved me wrong. She hated to be changed, touched or just bothered in any way. If she wanted someone to do something, she'd let them know. Otherwise, just leave her alone.
I don't know anyone like that.
She has been one surprise after another along the way. There have been times I could just pinch her little head off, but I think my mom may have been on to something when she pointed out that the very things I am most annoyed with in Madyson are the very same qualities that make her so much like me. I hate being hit with realities like that. She is stubborn and the biggest know-it-all you've ever seen and guess what? So am I.
Lord, help me to realize what a stumbling block these traits are and help me to overcome them in Your name to be an example to my precious niece.
As I watched her step on the bus step for the first time, my heart sank. Was she ready? Had we taught her everything she needed to know? Would she make friends? Would the other kids like her? Would she be scared? Would she feel abandoned after a lifetime of being sheltered only to be dropped off with complete strangers? Would she be able to open her juice without help? I know I'm not her mother, but I feel like it sometimes. She and her brothers are probably the only children I'll ever have and I've invested a lot in them emotionally. As I took my shower that morning I realized that it was truly something I had to completely surrender to God and trust that we had all done what was right in the way we had influenced her.
Lord, protect my precious niece. Help her make good choices and be obedient. Help her to share Your love with others as she's been taught to do.
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)