A few days later my mom spoke with her and we were booked to sing at the church. This was nothing unusual since we went to at least two churches every weekend to sing.
I had no idea in that moment how important that booking, that church, would become in my life.
The moment we walked in we, we commented on how the presence of God was so evident in this place. We arrived early to set up and met several people, including the music director, Crissy, and the pastor, Bryan.
The church reminded me so much of the church I grew up in......the church I was saved in.
After the service was over, everything was loaded by in the van and we were on the road home, we talked about how everything went. We couldn't believe how friendly the people were....how at home we felt.
I rode in silence for a while. I couldn't put my finger on it, but SOMETHING was different about that night. SOMETHING was different about that church. SOMETHING was different about those people.
Shortly after that night, maybe a couple months, I was in need of a new hairdresser. I walked into Xanadu Beauty Salon and a lady said "Hey I know you! You sang at our church a while back with your mother!"
That lady was Annette. She became my hairdresser.
We became instant friends. We talked about everything under the sun from church to the progress of the new building to my singing schedule to my sad social life and anything else we could think of. What? It was a beauty salon. That's what you do there.....talk.
Pretty soon, we were invited back to sing at a fund raiser.
Annette invited me to a Christmas Cantata at the church. The Cantata was "King of Glory, King of Love." The thing I remember the most was that the stage looked like a birthday cake. It was lined in garland and the mic stands were wrapped in garland and they looked like candles on the cake. Oh, what I would give for a picture of that!
I was invited to a couple of other services there and each time I was blessed. I loved this church and the people there.
During this timeline a lot of things had happened to me. I was very deeply hurt and scarred emotionally, physically, mentally and spiritually. As much as it scares me now, I remember being at a place that I told God if He didn't intervene I was walking away. I couldn't believe He had allowed the things that had happened to me to happen. I desperately needed something in my life to change.
One day while I was having my nails done at the beauty shop and I was talking to Annette about the fact that I was leaving my church and looking for another one. Of course I peppered it up with plenty of spiritual talk. I was raised in church and I knew what to say. The proper thing to say would not have been, "Hey I'm so beaten down, depressed, hurt, confused, humiliated, bitter, and angry that I'm leaving my current church but to be honest, I'm not sure I WANT to go to church. I've seen what church people do." Of course, I did the Christian thing and asked her to pray with me to find the right church. Before I left, she told me I should visit her church again. Sure, it was not very close to me, but I could still visit while I was looking around. I told her I might and then I left.
The truth was, I KNEW without a doubt in my mind that I was not in the church that was in God's will for my life. At the same time, I also was comfortable in my little routine and I did NOT want to face my family and tell them why I was leaving the only church family I had ever known. I did NOT want to reveal the true reasons to anyone.
October 2, 2005 - My first official Sunday at Zion Hill Baptist Church. Everyone was, as usual, very friendly and welcoming. I felt at home there. I was still unsure, however, if I wanted to be at church at all. I just wanted to go home and get away from it all to be perfectly honest. I was still somewhat uncomfortable because I knew no one and, believe it or not, I'm pretty shy around new people, which is unbelievable considering the fact that I met new groups of people every single week. This was different though. Church is where you are supposed to know everyone and feel comfortable.....feel at home and be yourself. I was scared out of my mind.
The sermon couldn't have been any more perfect for me that morning. God was definitely in it. The sermon was about not settling into your comfort zone. Sometimes it's uncomfortable to claim what God has promised for you and what He has for your future. WOW! I left in tears that morning and promised God I wouldn't give up on Him and I knew He wouldn't leave me or give up on me.
I settled into a new routine of attending church at Zion Hill. The first thing I was involved with was Trunk-or-Treat. I decorated my trunk like the Garden of Eden. That event allowed me to meet and get to know some more people in the church.
Before I knew it, I was friends with Tammy and she was asking me to help the kids sing "The Twelve Days of Christmas" in their Christmas program. We still joke that I should have ran away then. I had no idea I was becoming friends with someone I would get into so much trouble with.
In January I joined the choir. It was in the choir that I found my stride and felt completely at ease. I was beginning to feel like family. No one knew how badly I needed that. No one knew all that was going on in my life.
My family was completely unsupportive of the changes in my life and soon stopped speaking or interacting with me. In their defense, they had no idea about the things that had happened to me. Most of my closest friends were at my former church. I felt completely alone.
I took time off from singing to try to figure out exactly what God wanted me to do with my life. I had spent so much time being what others wanted me to be and being the "model church member" that I lost sight of my relationship with the Lord. I lost sight of who He wanted me to be.
Thankfully, I found support and friendship from some members of my new church family.
In February 2006, I became a member. I knew without a doubt by then that I was where God wanted me for this time in my life.
Although things remained strained between my family and myself for a while, God used His Word and sermons from the pastor to strengthen, teach and lead me. I actually became grateful for the situation I was in. My relationship with the Lord was better, stronger and closer than it had ever been.
In May I was introduced to decorating for VBS at Zion Hill. Maybe it's because it was my first year, but it was exciting and I loved it. Because I was the newbie and didn't know better, I taught with Becky. Ha!
By August things had began to settle down in my life. I was asked to become the Assistant Music Director. I was scared out of my mind. This was definitely something that I NEVER pictured myself doing. I enjoyed singing in the choir but I had always traveled from church to church singing, and I just didn't see myself doing something like this. I began to pray about it and God definitely opened my heart to the idea. I was really missing being more involved with music and I had been praying for doors to be opened. Sometimes I think God should smack me in the back of the head. He answered a prayer and then I was like "God, I'm just not sure about this because it's not exactly what I had in mind and I just need you to tell me what I should do because I'm just SO uncertain about this. It's SO outside of my comfort zone."
I do think I kind of heard Him say "HELLO! You asked and I provided. What are you babbling about?"
I took the position.
It was a great year of preparation. I had no idea though that the next year I would be asked to become the Music Director. I just thought I was scared being Assistant. I think I only filled in once.
Here I was someone who week after week, year after year stood in front of MUCH larger crowds and on my first official Sunday as Music Director I didn't know whether to pass out or throw up. I wasn't sure I would survive it. I did.
I've been very unsure about a lot during the last few years of my life. One thing is certain though. God has remained faithful through every minute of it. I also don't know what I would do without the support of my church family. It's kind of bitter sweet to leave the old building. I experienced the greatest growths in my walk with Christ while attending church in that building.
This was the altar I prayed at for my family, friends and myself.
This is the pew I sat in week after week to receive the message God had for me.
These are the chairs of the choir members that I once sat in, and now I direct.
This is the pulpit that I stand behind each week to lead congregational singing and then step down to allow the pastor to stand in to bring God's Word.
This is the piano that Mary sits at week after week and plays while the congregation sings.
This is the office that Bryan and I shared and I probably drove him out of his mind with my organized chaos.
This is the fellowship hall where I've shared countless meals, endless laughter and great times with my church family. I also used spray glue on one of those tables during VBS one year that infamously lead to my banning of using spray glue. If Ms. Ann thinks you went overboard.....it must have been pretty bad. HA!
This is the baptistry that led to one of the funniest moments in church that I've ever experienced. While Cassi was being baptized, Halee screamed "Don't drown her Bryan!!" You can't write those moments. I even believe God laughed that morning.
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So many wonderful memories are attached to the old church, but as I've thought about it, it's not the building that has created the memories.....it's the people within the building. Just like the building does not make the church.....the people do. All of my memories of the old building would be void without the people that were involved.
With that, I say that I am looking forward to the future. I look forward to a larger facility with room for growth and more people for more memories. I look forward to all that I know God is going to accomplish through us all. If He didn't believe we could make a larger impact than we are now, He never would have given us a larger facility to accomplish His purpose in.
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