Four years ago.....

So, I've had this cough. And it's not the kind of cough that people would mind being around. It's the kind of cough that people look at you for a brief moment and then scatter because they are sure you have some sort of plague.

Since I have this cough, it goes without saying I wasn't able to sing on Sunday. I started praying so hard last Friday that God would heal me because I HAD to sing Sunday. I know I've said this before, but God surely must laugh at me often. He knew exactly what He was doing.

On a regular basis I feel discouraged or like I'm just not doing well enough. Sometimes I feel overwhelmed by the amount of opinions I receive about song selection or the job I'm doing. I am often so uncertain of my abilities and whether everyone was happy with the job I was doing. Notice all those Is?

Can I tell you all of that faded away Sunday morning as I was sitting in the congregation. (No, God didn't see fit to heal me before Sunday.)

As I sat there my mind flashed back to four years ago. It was the last Sunday I would be spending in my former church. I started Zion Hill the first Sunday in October, 2005. I remembered how unhappy I had been and how close I had come to just walking away and giving up all together. I remembered how happy I felt at Zion Hill and how God used that church and the people in it to show me that He was still working in my life. In either late December or early January I started singing in the choir. I had never sang in an adult choir before. This was a first for me. I had always traveled and sang with my mother and wasn't necessarily accustomed to being a part of a group.

Can I tell you something I realized almost immediately? I loved it. I loved being a part of the group. I still love being a part of that group.

Someone told me recently that they didn't realize I was a music director because when I referenced our choir, they just assumed I was a choir member because of the way I spoke of them. I replied "I am a choir member. I will always be a choir member."

The truth is, I don't set myself at an elevation and don't want anyone else to do so either. I love our choir. We're a family. Sure, I have a little more responsibility than they do, but that's ok.

So back to Sunday. It suddenly dawned on me while I was sitting in the congregation listening just why God didn't choose to heal my voice in time for worship. He needed to remind me of my love of our choir and for what I do. He needed to show me that it's definitely not about me....ever....and the worship can continue without me.

There's a song our choir is going to sing for Christmas called "It's all About Your Glory." That's exactly what it's about. It's not about me, or my emotions or any single person in that choir. It's truly about Him. My job is to follow His guidance and allow Him to use me to guide our choir and lead our church in the act of worshipping Him.

I'm so grateful that I'm not where I was four years ago.....physically or spiritually. I'm so glad God allowed me to find the wonderful church home I am a part of now. I'm also so glad He has allowed me to be used in ways that I would have never though possible in my wildest dreams. Isn't God cool like that?

Thank you Lord for my calling. Forgive me for my unthankfulness. Thank you for reminding me how blessed I am.

FYI: I did finally go to the doctor yesterday. I have whooping cough. Three shots, two free samples and four prescriptions later I will either be cured.....or dead.