I walked into a room FULL of people (and not a one of them under 65 I will add) and sat down in the only empty chair in the room. Luckily, it was next to an irate, profanity screaming lady who liked to talk to herself. I'm no expert, but I've watched a lot of Dr. Phil and my diagnosis was turrets. She explained to the whole room that she had only stopped in there for directions and now she has to wait all day to see someone. Um, yeah, because when I need directions, the first place I go is to the pre-op of a hospital.
I was finally called back to a cubicle to talk about all my business with a lady, and let's be honest, everyone else in the surrounding cubicles. This made me ask "Whatever happened to patient confidentiality?" Luckily, they were trying out a new computer system which made the whole process last twelve and a half times longer than it would have normally lasted. All of the documents are now signed on the computer and the lady was impressed beyond words how well I had signed. She said I had signed better than anyone else had. It probably has something to do with the fact that I've signed my name on a credit card or twelve or it could be that all of the other people that had been at her desk were 106 and probably don't have the most steady hands in the world.
I was then sent back into the waiting room to wait for one of about 4 old men to usher me to the room where I knew torture awaited.......the blood work.
Little did I know, the actual torture would take place on the walk to the lab. Not only did my little old man usher me to the lab, but he also had another couple to walk there. Grandpa, bless his heart, couldn't keep up and I'm pretty sure I had my 26th birthday during the time it took us to walk down the hall. During the walk the lady asked our "leader" what she was having done. I couldn't help but think this was something you should know BEFORE you got there. He informed her she was having a mammogram. It was then I knew I had to make sure he delivered the right paperwork to the nurse in the lab. As much as I was dreading the blood work that awaited me, I knew I had NO desire to endure a mammogram.
After arriving the in the lab I completed yet another form that included all of the same questions I had just answered. This sparked another question. If everything is on computers, why am I answering the same thing over and over and over again?
I endured the weigh in. She started in the 120s. I went ahead and helped her out by just moving the scale to the other end and telling her she shouldn't waste her time.
I was then lectured on the need for me not to wear make-up or deodorant the day of my surgery. Um, what? She also seemed to have questions about every other area of my body except the area being operated on. After asking a very personal question about that area, and the nurse not having an answer I had to ask her if she could please read my paperwork to me so I could be assured that they did indeed know what end of my body was being operated on.
To cut to the final chase of that horrible, never ending day....yes, the blood work was miserable and painful and I sported a bruise on my arm for a week and a half. Also, there is no feeling like walking down the hall of a hospital with a cup of your own urine. Yeah, I was sufficiently grossed out.
I cannot go on to the day of the surgery without sharing a very inadequate pic of the most awesome gift basket ever! I've said it many times, but I have to say it again.....I have the most amazing friends. This basket was totally full of the best books, magazines, snacks, lotion and other goodies ever.....including the BEST gingersnap cookies on the planet made by Kerrie. I'm so bummed I didn't get a better pic of it.
Thanks Tammy, Kerrie, Bryan and Crissy!!!
Fast forward to the day of the surgery. I was weepy. Not entirely because of the surgery though. I was missing Madyson's first day of First Grade. We have a First Grader now. I was so upset I was missing a milestone. Let's face it, I'm the milestone queen. I'm there for them all and have the pictures to prove it. Even though I wasn't there, I still have the pictures from the morning.
In case you're wondering about the shoe picture, those are Twinkle Toes by Skechers. We, I mean I with Madyson constantly nagging me, searched high and low looking for those shoes in her size and without a skull, thank you very much. These are actually some cute shoes in person. The tongues are hot pink and black zebra print....how cute is that?!?! I'm so relieved because I think she's going to have my sense of style.
So while Madyson was going to first grade, I was laying in a hospital bed with nothing between me and the seemingly 50 other people in pre-op but a hospital gown and curtain. Yeah, it was pleasant.....Especially the moment that I had to be assisted to the bathroom to keep my backside covered by a blanket and to have my iv carried. Call me difficult and high maintenance, but I like to take care of my business ALONE.
My very kind pastor showed up and I can't express the comfort he and my grandmother provided while talking about death and planning funerals while sitting on either side of me before I went into SURGERY. I know it was a minor procedure and all, but you know it wasn't really the topic of conversation I would have chosen for the moment. It actually provided some comic relief for the moment though when I expressed my thoughts on their distasteful conversation.
Waking up from surgery is no fun. My first memories were of the nurse sitting with me listing my bandages and other "stuff" to someone on the phone. Although I could never pick her out of a lineup, she was my favorite nurse. She took the goofy hat off of me they made me wear into surgery and fixed my hair....because even though I just came out of surgery and at the moment I did NOT care, I am eternally grateful now. She also gave me ice, which doesn't sound like much, but since I had not had anything since midnight, the ice was good.
After leaving recovery, the next nurse was not so much of a favorite. She told me I had to go to the bathroom to be discharged. Well ok, that wouldn't be so much of a problem if I was certain I could feel my legs and you know, walk. I declined her offer to leave and went back to sleep. I was awakened every few minutes by my "helpful" grandmother who continued to feed me ice and nearly choked me to death. I finally made it out of the bed and into my clothes and was discharged.....but not after asking me to sign something. Um, yeah....I don't know what I signed, but I'm pretty sure my signature looked something like the infamous Michael Jackson signature on this document. For all I know I signed away my first born and my first born's first born.
That night we had a pretty bad storm and lightening struck our satellite. I don't have to tell you what a horrible thing that was. Especially since it happened on Tuesday and they weren't sending anyone until Saturday. Luckily, three of the four boxes were hit and the one that wasn't was mine. Hey, I had just had surgery.....maybe God just felt like cutting me a break that day. It still presented a problem because while I could watch all my night shows, what was I going to do during the day while I was sitting in the recliner in the living room? I'll tell you what....I had a Reba marathon. I knew having all the seasons on DVD would pay off. I do feel like I need to insert here that if you are in pain, watching a funny show isn't always a good thing. Oh the pain.
And finally......We have a preschooler now. That's right. Luke is a big boy now. I can't even begin to express how hard it is to leave him every morning. He's always been the "baby" of the three and it's just hard leaving him. I am very relieved though that he loves it and gladly stays when I drop him off every morning.
You didn't think I wouldn't have pics of his first day did you?
No comments:
Post a Comment