Okay, so I wrote on Friday that I was going to see Alan Jackson on Saturday night. The adventure began at 3:00 when I picked Kerrie up and we headed out. We stopped and ate and headed for the Foley Beach Express. Now this would be a good time to tell you that we both have a great fear of bridges. As we pulled up to the toll there was no turning back or changing our minds...we had to cross.
Now before you judge me for having a strange phobia, just try to see my reasoning. I have no control over a bridge collapsing while I'm driving over a large body of water that I will fall into and drown because I can't swim.
While we were both upset, I must admit I think we both prayed more during those moments that either of us had ever heard the other pray.
Bryan would be so proud.
See, the trip wasn't for naught.
After our brush with death, we pulled into the wharf and parked among hundreds of pick-up trucks. It was that moment I realized we should have borrowed a truck from someone instead of driving my car.
This would be a mistake that would cause a delay in finding the car after the concert because well, a Chrysler 300 is a whole lot lower to the ground that a truck and it kind of got lost in the parking lot.
We walked down Main Street of the Wharf which contains numerous stores and a ferris wheel. I'm not sure why I was so intrigued by this, but I was. I just can't figure out why there was a ferris wheel in the middle of stores, a theater, restaurants and the amphitheater.
I would be relieved the next day to find out that my brother was equally intrigued by the idea. It's genetic.
A few minutes later we found ourselves on a pier leading to the amphitheater. Yes, in case you're wondering I'm a little nervous about piers too. Especially when that many people are on them.
I knew I was out of my element, but would be entertained all night as I looked around and saw the people I was standing near. There was a large man in overalls, no shirt and one side so stylishly left to flop and possible fling across anyone who dared get close enough to him. There were also more cowboy hats than I had ever seen in my life and well, the speech. I couldn't help but stand there and pray that I don't sound like these people when I speak.
See, more prayer.
We had to go through a check, which is all fine and well. However the guy frisked me in such a way I felt he should have bought me dinner or something. Finding out the next day that my brother and sister-in-law were not patted down made me feel even more violated by this experience.
After we sat down, well that's when the fun began. We sat with a guy I work with, Ronnie and his wife, whom I also graduated with, Rebekah.
Ronnie should have been paid for all the people he directed to their seats. I became very amused by the vast number of people who came to him as if he was who they were supposed to ask. He told me that no one was asking me because they were probably convinced I was already drunk since I was laughing so much.
It's an amphitheater filled with 10,000 rednecks. How can I not laugh?
I was a little surprised at the amount of alcohol being consumed and it was then I realized I should have bought stock in beer. After the humor of it all disappeared, I realized these people will be driving. I'll be on the road too.
We decided before it started we would leave before it ended.
Because I live dangerously.
I must admit I sat there with a fear that something would be spilled on me since most of the people in attendance were well lit before it even began. I felt a since of relief and comfort when about 5 little grandmas sat behind us and they were so feeble I was concerned they would never make it up the two steps with their walking canes.
Here's where the fun began. It all started when one of them had breast cancer. That was followed by an irregular pap smear, being put in the stirrups and all the details of her va-jay-jay, a complete hysterectomy, the removal of her ovaries, and finally that all being a mistake because the real problem was found during her colonoscopy. It's safe to say that she paid that doctor's mortgage for that whole year.
Please don't think me disrespectful towards this lady. What an awful year that must have been, but let me just say that if I want to hear something like that I would have bought tickets to attend The Vagina Monologues.
Let this be your lesson in etiquette for today. Don't talk about that stuff in public where people other than the person you are telling this to can hear you. I'm not sure I would want to hear the details she shared from someone I know very well, and I certainly didn't want to hear them from a stranger.
Still, we were comforted that nothing would be spilt on us. That was until Maw-Maw with the walking stick came back from the concession with two beers as tall as she was and nearly spilt her's on Kerrie trying to open it with her feeble hands. I nearly died laughing at the thought of these grandmas drinking. My mind went to my little Pentecostal Gran-Gran with her hair in a bun on top of her head and what she would think of this scene I was beholding.
Better still than the grandmas behind us were the loud drunks sitting beside Ronnie. One guy (according to Ronnie's count) consumed 8 beers in the time he was sitting there. I think it's important to add that he did not sit there over and hour and a half.
There were other amusing things like people dancing and security making them take their seats and the fights that followed that.
The moment that stole the show was the man and woman and their two small children who couldn't find their seats and they chose the area right in front of us to have their showdown. Now, this was the moment I took Ronnie's advice and didn't laugh out loud or make any eye contact because he was the type to fight you or kill you for that sort of thing.
She was half way up and he was beside Kerrie shouting obscenities that if a man ever shouted at me I assure you he would find himself on his hands and knees picking his teeth up off the ground. The whole scene was this that the woman had both kids and he had the video camera, which I have a feeling was probably a no-no anyway. After he made it through the gate, he decided he no longer needed his tickets for silly things like finding his seet and threw them away.
Yes, he did.
So, somehow this was his wife's fault and cursing here in front of a couple hundred people would solve the problem and make it all better.
No, this wasn't funny to me, but more annoying. Anyone who knows me knows that I dislike stupidity and for one spouse to disrespect another. I was deeply disturbed and troubled by this guy.
More praying. He definitely needed it. He had some deep issues that he was obviously dealing with in other ways than with the ways of God.
The ride home was terrifying because we saw about 50 deer on one stretch of the highway. I'm not exaggerating either. That was a scary time for me since I had just hit a deer back in October.
More praying.
You may notice that I haven't commented on the concert yet. Well, let me say this. Jake Owens opened and was pretty good. I found him more entertaining than Alan Jackson actually. I may have enjoyed the concert a little more if we could have seen the stage. See, we had really good, but really bad seats. They were pretty close, but there was a tent type thing set up over the sound stuff and it kind of blocked our view of the whole stage.
That's okay though because I got my money's worth out of watching the people.
It was a different experience for me. Please don't think I'm being judgemental of these people. I'm not. I'm intrigued and just baffled. I've never been to anything like this. It was my first secular concert. I would go back though. I don't think I've ever laughed so hard in all my life.
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